tourettesandsex:

urbies:

xbostons:

lostboyonadeadthrone:

If your girlfriend has sexual intercourse with another girl. Is that considered cheating? 

If I’m right handed and I punch you with my left, did I really hit you?

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I’ll reblog this every time.

theonion:

PRO: Get to puncture child with needle
CON: You have to go to a place

ashazzminscreed:

omfgcate:

dqdbpb:

we’re halfway thru april, u know what tht means?

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#ITS GONNA BE MAY

HOW DOES THIS MAKE ME LAUGH EVERY FUCKING YEAR!?

the-study-of-wumbo:

stereolights:

It’s like his snoring got so bad that his wife left him and now he’s just forever alone with his extra-strength Breathe Right strips

maybe the strips were so effective that he inhaled his wife

pizzaforpresident:

when you aren’t your best friend’s best friend

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d0nn0:

d0nn0:

SOMEONE HELP I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY BECAUSE IM NOT LUKE AND IM SCARED FOR JAKE’S SAFETY

This got 32k and the guy was in the bathtub the whole time trippin on lsd

blastortoise:

Why would you intentionally eat olives like what in the fuck? are you okay? is someone forcing you to do this? You need me to call the police let me know so we can help you

large-flightless-bird:

when you go in the bathroom and you don’t know if it’s water or pee on the ground

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